...and the reason is you

Erianne Jaden

2005-07-29T16:44:00.000-05:00

everything i have been through, they were all worth it because of you. i never knew i could love someone as much as i love you and your dad - now i know. you are my purpose in life and i will always be grateful to God for giving you to me. i love you more than anything in this world.

and i'm laughing; are you?

2005-04-20T15:43:00.000-05:00

well guess what, it is true - when a door closes, a window opens. things worked out better than i would have imagined it to. let me just say that patience is indeed a virtue and prayer is the best thing to help a person go through anything and everything.

so.. to those who discriminated me - to hell with all of you! i'm happy; are you?

never give up

2005-03-07T10:42:00.000-06:00

i've been trying for a month to find a job, but i'm beginning to feel hopeless. i know if i wasn't pregnant i would've landed one, a high-paying one at that, by now. i suppose i can't blame the companies but the discrimination is just so high up there when it comes to women that it's sickening. i still haven't given up regardless of the fact that i'm almost inside that hopeless bin. i must admit though that it is getting harder as the days go by since i am nearing my due date. i am in the beginning of my third trimester now. i just thank god everynight that i have people around me that will help and support me regardless i find a job between now and the birth. i just want to get to that point so i can begin a new life and focus on giving the baby a good life. it's going to be a struggle. it will be a hell of a lot of hard work, but i'm willing to battle it out. i need to. god help me.

sighs

2005-02-27T20:25:00.000-06:00

bakit ganun? di ko alam kung tama ba to feel the way i do or not. kasi birthday ko today eh, pero maraming nakalimot. i guess i can't blame anyone din naman kasi sinabay ng mga sisters ko ang baby shower ko. mas importante naman yung para sa baby eh. kaso ganun pala yung feeling na halos walang nakaalala. pero ok na rin. this year is a mark in my lifetime for me. this is the year i become a mom. eh siguro it's telling me na rin na enough for me. para sa baby na ngayon lahat. pero even so, hirap iexplaing ng feeling. di ko alam kung nakalimutan or sadyang nagkamali lang sa pagalala. oh well. enough sour-graping. ano ba naman yung birthday. it's just another year. yun nga lang yung para sa ibang tao naaalala pero kung sino pa yung inisip mong nagmamahal sayo, yun pa yung hindi nakaalala. eh ok lang yun. apology accepted kung sakali man. di naman na importante eh. it's just another ordinary day.

another year..

2005-02-27T09:22:00.000-06:00

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday
happy birthday
happy birthday to me.

how?

2005-02-23T19:09:00.000-06:00

as i sit here wishing and hoping that i will soon wake up from this nightmare, my tears just won't stop rolling down my face. hindi ko alam kung paano at saan ako magsisimula. ang daming tanong na pumapasok sa isip ko, kasama na ng sakit na nararamdaman ko dahil hindi ko alam kung makikita pa kitang muli. nagkulang ako pero i never meant for it to come out as a lie. i don't have control over other people's decision, and that includes my parents. how many times do i have to say that there is no one else but you. God knows I don't even have friends I can talk to, or that I talk to. you've been my all. i depended on you for everything just as i tried my best to give you everything i possibly could. it hurts so much, more now than ever. to make it worse, i know that my baby feels what it is i feel. it's a pain no one deserves to go through, especially because i did not do anything wrong. i know you know i've done everything to make you feel that you are the only one and to make you realize that my world cannot move without you. i have no life without you, but i must provide one for my unborn child. i don't know where to get the strenght, but i have to find it somewhere somehow. i want to fight, but i can't. i want to scream and yell to the whole world that i didn't do anything wrong and if there is anyone who beg to disagree, let them speak. i am confident, with God as my witness, that your accusations are all wrong.
when i first found out i was pregnant, i promised you that there will be no scandal, no yelling, no screaming - nothing, and that promise i kept. my parents found out and accepted everything without even saying a word to you. i promised you peace, and i gave you peace. i told you i would never ask you for anything, and that i still hold up till now. i try everyday to make things easy for you kahit na ako na lang ang mahirapan. i wanted nothing more but for you to get the things you dream of regardless na mahirapan man ako. sa araw-araw ikaw ang kasama ko. even before we go to sleep YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I TALK TO AND THE FIRST PERSON I WAKE UP TO. sino na ngayon ang maggugoodnite sa akin and tell me to sleep well and say i love you? sa pagkain ng tanghalian, sino na ang kasabay ko? sa pagtingin ng mga kotse at makipagkulitan, sino na ang magkukwento sakin at magtuturo? who will call me baby now? lahat ng bagay na yan na minsan ko ng naitanong kaya't pinangalagaan ko na pero binale wala mo. hindi mo man lang binigyan ng consideration the things i have done and i went through and go through just to try to make you happy and feel the love i have for you.

paano na ako? how i would wish to just see you and hug you and tell you i love you and hear you say it back. it would be the best birthday present yet. di ko kailangan ng kahit ano, ikaw ang kailangan ko. ikaw lang. paano na?

valentine's...

2005-02-14T21:35:00.000-06:00

i wasn't expecting anything. nothing at all. but he gave me flowers. he walked towards my car and opened the door. he handed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. i was speechless. we kissed and said i love you to each other, but i was still speechless. it meant a lot. it really meant a lot. i felt loved.

just feelin sad...

2005-02-10T08:52:00.000-06:00

i'm starting to feel sad and i can see the desperation coming. i need to find another job placement. i will do whatever it takes...whatever it takes.

Test of Luck...

2005-02-08T15:04:00.000-06:00

a certain person keeps telling me that i'm lucky coz i'm pregnant. since the very beginning of my pregnancy, i have always instilled in my head that my baby is a blessing in disguise. and i know he/she is. but i know that time comes when luck gets tested.
over the weekend, we spent a total of about an hour in the casino and came home with fat pockets. as i wonder about luck, i was thrown into a situation where my luck was surely tested. i was working for an IT consultant as a temp administrative assistant. my placement kept getting extended up until today. i believe my instinct was telling me something already but i did not pay attention to it. yesterday, one of the project directors got fired out of nowhere. she was not expecting that at all. and today, i was given the boot as well.
somehow, i knew it was coming but i brushed it off. i didn't realize that they were going to be so unprofessional as to give me not even a day's notice. i took it well, but i just did not appreciate the district administrator's attitude and i wanted nothing but to get out of that place. i can't even find the words to describer her. what a manipulator! and what makes me sick is that she's filipina. i was going to stay for the rest of the day and finish my work, but i decided to just leave her the rest of the work load. three months of putting up with her attitude is more than enough. oh, gosh i just cannot wait for her to get fired. all i know and care about is that i gave my best and performed to the best of my ability and they cannot complain for crap. it's their loss - not mine.
anyhow... i know my baby will pull through for me. a test of luck - i know i'll pass.

the right words...

2005-02-06T22:02:00.000-06:00

...I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life.

recently I heard this song being sung by this couple who is actually having a baby as well. it's funny coz now that i think of it, the words describe exactly how i feel as a mom-to-be. i've never met my baby but i know that i love him/her more than myself. i used to dream about having a baby, prayed to have a baby, even lost hope, and finally the day came even though the timing wasn't right. any mother would tell anyone that if there was something they were waiting for, regardless they were aware of it or not, it is to see that glorious face come out of them and look at them for the first time.

he or she? hmmm..

2005-02-06T10:00:00.000-06:00

he or she? hmmm..
Originally uploaded by E-Designs.

this is my baby's first picture. how exciting! it's just that he/she won't tell us exactly what he/she is. it's either the baby is shy or just being a brat - like the momma.

oh, i can't wait to see him/her!!!!

comments...

2005-02-05T11:02:00.000-06:00

wow! i'm so excited! i actually have visitors. thanks, you guys, for the nice comments.

oh, someone asked where jaden came from... well, my nephew gave me the idea. i'm not sure if it came from a football player or something but i just know that it sounded nice and combined with erianne, we can call her E.J. but that is if the baby is indeed a girl. if it is a boy, then we are naming him tristan jarred but i still say we name him after his dad.

so i am blabbing.. sue me. lol.

erianne

2005-02-04T09:47:00.000-06:00

erianne
Originally uploaded by E-Designs.

i had my first ultrasound last january 26th. i was so excited since it was going to be my first time to see this life inside of me. wooohooo!!
in preparation, i had to keep drinking water, and i hated it! i felt like a faucet. i drank about 5 bottled waters in less than an hour and used the washroom about ninety million times. oh it was not very nice at all!
so came my turn... the sonographer squeezed this warm jelly on my belly and off she went trying to measure everything she could. she was pressing a bit too hard on my bladder and i seriously thought my pee was going to burst out. but all the while, i was just anxious to find out what my baby is. i was with "him" and i can tell that he was eager to see that his child is a boy.
"i know it's a boy."
"well, you just jinxed it, coz i think it's a girl!"
they say mother's instincts are almost always correct, and i still feel strongly that it's a boy, but it doesn't really make a difference as long as the baby is healthy - and he/she is!

so what is this image about? well... just in case the baby is indeed a girl, i am naming her erianne jaden. the jaden part is still under consideration but erianne stays.

anticipating..

2005-02-03T13:36:00.000-06:00

it seems that the more I try to find something to write about, the more I find myself lost in a pool of words. there are just so many thoughts to reveal but hardly any of them chooses to escape my mind.

i tell you one thing, though, anticipation is a key word that i have to let out. it's been 5 long months and about 4 more to go...

you see, 5 months ago, i found out that there is this life growing inside of me, and in 9 months time, i will officially be a mom. the thought scares me, but on the other hand, it excites me. the feeling is far from indescribable. it's surreal. it's... a miracle. i am so eager to see my baby. regardless of what he or she is, i know that he/she is the only other person i can love unconditionally besides his/her father. despite the difficulties i faced during this pregnancy, everything is well worth it. it is truly God's best gift to women.

..with these rings..

2005-02-03T10:18:00.000-06:00

rings
Originally uploaded by E-Designs.

...and the reason is you

2005-02-03T09:54:00.000-06:00

...and the reason is you

Erianne Jaden

and i'm laughing; are you?

never give up

*sighs*

another year..

how?

valentine's...

just feelin sad...

Test of Luck...

the right words...

he or she? hmmm..

comments...

erianne

anticipating..

..with these rings..

...and the reason is you

sighs